Life is full of problems, and one of the most often-encountered is the fact that it is frequently difficult to understand words being sung by a chorus. One of the few things, it can be safely argued, that Palestrina and P.D.Q. Bach had in common was a concern for this problem, and P.D.Q.’s vocal music seems surprisingly careful in this respect. In spite of his care, however, your humble editor has received complaints about the lack of intelligibility of some of the words in the recording of A Consort of Choral Christmas Carols, the gemütlich and thankfully secular songs that make up part of the Portrait of P. D. Q. Bach album. These complaints often focus on the chorus of Throw the Yule Log On, Uncle John, where all four voices sing entirely different material at entirely the same time. So here are the words to all three of the Christmas Carols, presented in a visible part of the spectrum for your patient perusal. Say, if you don’t own the record album, why not order it today? Why not indeed?
—description by Peter Schickele reprinted from The Peter Schickele Rag, #14.
Throw the Yule Log On, Uncle John
Throw the yule log on, Uncle John
Throw the yule log on Uncle John
Soprano: Fa la la, fa la la, fa la la, fa la la, fa la la, fa fa mi fa
Alto: Wahza whuza wuhza wuhza wuhza woo woo, wuhza wuhza wuhza woo woo, wuhza wuhza wuhza wuhza woo wah
Tenor: Chick chick chick chick chick chick chick chick-a chick-a chick-a boom bah
Bass: Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ha
Put the pickle down, Uncle John
Put the pickle down Uncle John
Soprano: Fa la la, fa la la, fa la la, fa la la, fa la la, fa fa mi fa
Alto: Wahza whuza wuhza wuhza wuhza woo woo, wuhza wuhza wuhza woo woo, wuhza wuhza wuhza wuhza woo wah
Tenor: Chick chick chick chick chick chick chick chick-a chick-a chick-a boom bah
Bass: Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ha
Ten o’clock on Christmas morn and all the guests are coming to the door;
Ten o’clock on Christmas morn and Uncle John’s already on the floor.
Though the weather’s bitter cold there’s not a frown to mar the festive mood;
Wait ’til they discover that old Uncle John has eaten all the food.
Hear the hall clock strike, Uncle John
Hear the hall clock strike Uncle John
Soprano: Fa la la, fa la la, fa la la, fa la la fa la la, fa fa mi fa
Alto: Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear, fuzzy wuzzy had no hair, fuzzy wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy wuzzy wuzzy wuhza wuhza woo wah
Tenor: Sis sis sis sis sis sis sis sis sis boom bah
Bass: Boom chick boom chick boom chick boom chick boom chick boom chick boom boom boom buhzoowah doowah
Please, will you come to Uncle John?
Gather around poor Uncle John.
Please, will you come to Uncle John (the no-good good-for-nothing),
Oh, when will you come to Uncle John?
Oh, when will you come to, Uncle John?
O Little Town of Hackensack
O little town of Hackensack,
How still we hear thee snore;
The snow-deck’d streets that reindeer feets
Will soon be prancing o’re
Thy winsome children wond’ring if
Old Santa Claus will show;
They need not fear; methinks I hear
His endless ho, ho, ho.
O little town of Hackensack,
How yet we see thee lie;
St. Nick hath gone, by now he’s on
His way to Tenafly.
Then gifts galore to Peapack and
Secaucus will he bring;
He toucheth down in ev’ry town
He doeth now his thing.
O little town of Hackensack,
At last the dawn doth glow;
The sky is clear, no longer hear
We Santa’s ho ho ho.
Wake up! ’tis time to check out all
The things you got, and then
To drink thy fill and eat until
You’re back to sleep again.
Good King Kong Looked Out
Good King Kong looked out on his feet
And he saw that they were large.
“Ho, ho,” he said, “we go,” he said,
“To make some tracks in the snow,
Forsooth our feet are very large.”
Squinch, squinch, squinch.
Good King Kong looked out on his nose
And he saw that it was flat.
“Oh, no,” he said, “when we blow,” he said,
“The pitch must not be too low,
The royal nose must not be flat.”
Honk, honk, honk.
Good King Kong looked out on his ears
And his ears he could not see.
“Oh, dear,” he said, “it’s clear,” he said,
“We must see if we can hear,
Because our ears we cannot see.”
Hear, hear, hear.
Good King Kong looked up in the sky
And he saw St. Nick’s red sleigh;
“Ho, ho,” he said, “whadd’ya know,” he said,
“Will you look at that old guy go,” he said,
“Uh, oh, whoa, past us please do not go.
“Yell yells,” he said, “Ring the bells,” he said,
“Though a couple don’t work very well,
Let’s welcome St. Nick and his sleigh.”
Ding, dong, clunk.
Lyrics copyright © 1977 Theodore Presser Company and are used with the permission of Theodore Presser Company. Any other copying by other parties for other uses is not authorized.